The Day I Almost Died

Since I'm mildly retarded, I decided last week to sign up for our Fall City Days Fun Run 5k.

I'm a moron.

A couple of my coworkers were doing it, and I was like "oh, that's a good idea" but I was really torn because i haven't been training to run, I've just been working out on the elliptical and stationary bike, so I knew that I was going to struggle with it if I decided to do it.

Then Sister said "oh, yeah I was thinking about doing it" and then BFFL was like "Well, I made the decision for you and you're doing it". 

There you have it kids.

I'm a moron.

So I've been stressing out about it the past few days and last night I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I realize that this is just a race and there's no reason to panic, it's not like I'm having open heart surgery or something. I set my alarm for 8 this morning, since the race started at 9:15 and I live a whole 2 minutes away. But, when Chad got up to go fishing this morning, my nerves wouldn't let me go back to sleep. So I was up at 6:45 or so freaking out about my certain demise.

I'm a moron.

So Sister and I get down there so she can register (she waited until this morning) and I picked up my race packet and sweet tee shirt. I seriously considered staying in the car and sleeping while Sister ran. She wouldn't let me though. Then I played out in my mind all the possible outcomes. I could break my leg and need an aid car. Or throw myself off the bridge into the river to have an excuse not to do it. Sister wouldn't let me do that either.

Boo.

So, it comes time for the race to start. We jogged for the first 1/2+ mile before I had to walk because I could taste that familiar metallic flavor from the blood of my surely burst lungs. So, we walked to the 1 mile mark while I tried to get my lungs to stop screaming at me and the squeaky whistling noise coming from my mouth to subside. 

Then, as we reach the 1 mile mark, we can see all these people in red up ahead. Sister tells me they're cheerleaders.... cheerleaders WITH WATER. Hell yes I can jog to the nice cheerleaders with the refreshing water! I hobble my ass to them and thank the dear sweet girls for my water and walk until I finish drinking it (which took longer than I had anticipated because its hard to drink water when you can't breathe). 

After the water station, we jog until the turn around point, and then we start walking again. We obviously come up on the perky cheerleaders again with their screams of "you're almost there!" "Just keep going!" "You can do it!!!!!"

Bitches.

I tried to run again after the cheerleaders, but I made it about 20 feet before my legs literally couldn't handle it anymore and I was sure I was going to fall flat on my face, and not be able to get up again. So Sister said we could do a speed walk. I'm good with a speed walk. So we speed walk the majority of the second half, but once we got halfway across the bridge back to town, it was crunch time. So, I can proudly say I jogged the rest of the way and made it across the finish line to the screams of a few of my coworkers.

And that's when the aid cars showed up because I collapsed right across the finish line.

I kid, I kid.

But seriously, it was really freaking tough. And here I sit, over 12 hours later and the whole left side of my lower body is screaming in pain. Both of my hips are done for, and my left knee and foot have had enough. 

I managed to hobble my way around Fall City days later on with Chad and got some cute earrings and we had a few drinks with Sister and her fiance, and I was able to make an appearance at our friends' annual Fall City Days party.

But now, as I wait for my painkiller to kick in, I am icing my aching joints in hopes that I will one day be able to walk without a limp.